Where is my sense of humour in all of this? Who knows?
We should have demanded input and assistance from the top British execs who work for McDonald's, Coca Cola, Adidas, Visa, Castrol, Emirates, Sony, Budweiser, Hyundai, Continental etc to formulate and present our pitch.
These men and women know how to take the World Cup and FIFA by the balls and block out any other form of advertising. They understand the ruthlessness of business and the Wire-esque Maryland, backstreet, horrific nature of an illegal dog eat dog contest.
What on earth do we English think Prince William and the two Davids bring to the world apart from entertainment? They are like hairy lap-dancers in suits. Memorable? More like 'get drunk and forget you ever went'.
In this country, we put finance and commerce above all else, we decimate the mood of the nation and the public's skills, expertise and livelihoods with the hope that the private sector will pick up the slack. Yet it did not occur to get the people who broker and sustain these dodgy deals of limited branding bomardment, to take control and do whatever it takes.
How naive can England be to think that our banking system is any different to FIFA? We live in a culture where the amount of rungs we have to go through to speak to or complain about the level of service we get from energy companies, banks, mobile phone contracts, and even flat-pack furniture manufacturers is staggering. Do we not know that the world of business is designed to keep the public as far away from decision makers as possible? Have we not learnt this?
We live in an age where the sale is the spoon full of sugar, but the aftercare is the teaspoon of marmite. If we want to embrace the savage and greedy methods of sports event management, then why not look at why all the owners of these Premier League stadia can charge an arm and leg for a slice of pizza and a coke? Because the mugs will pay!!!!
So, let the people who know the devil personally take us to hell, whilst serving us drinks. We don't need the political and royal equivalent of the Deputy Head and Headmaster trying to enthuse when all the pupils are counting the minutes until break time.
I mean how bloody stupid can we be? It still suggests that our imperialist and traditionalist past in some minds, is 'better' than fully accepting the classless quest for ‘optimal’ wealth, which relies on morally devoid decision making. The England bid team believed that our way of life was all we needed to sell - to help make people who supposedly do things well, do them a bit better than everyone else with the FIFA committee's vote? They will look at us and say, "you don't need this, don't waste our time, and which part of fuck off don't you understand?"
Who is the genius/mug who kept the woolen ball rolling, while they managed to pull their crazy vision of the future over most of our eyes? That person needs to be President of a Willy Wonka government. It is all wrong and we got suckered in to believing in and finding out about our standing on this planet.
The hope is we can look internally and stop trying to sell our bloody souls with a royal stamp on them (in the words of Anchorman), so you know they're good?
